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Wednesday, November 11, 2009,


Things aren't as easy as it seems. You may think you are handling it well, but maybe you're not.
It only seems well because you're not seeing each other now, but one you are near, everything juz crumbles again.

You lose focus.

I blame no one for this. It's juz me.

Don't take your eyes off the prize. You never know, you might juz feel yourself distancing~

FOCUS&CONTROL.

Whether you know or not, I dun even noe who to believe now. Somehow I want you to know, but yet also not.
I was really on the brink of telling, but since u can't promise, I guess it's best not 2 do so. Besides, it's not worth giving it all up for this.

Promise is a big word. Glad you took time to think about it before you said it.


What I want may not be what you want,
Aloovi the Alv





I gave you everything but nothing's ever good enough
I tried to be the one you call, the one that you can trust

But the games have all been played
And there's nothing left to save

You shut the door coz you have all the things you're hoping girl
Don't call me back coz you know that I'll, keep, going on
I'm telling you I'm gone

I'm telling you

Well, you never did care, enough about me, anyway (girl you know it's too late)
So I guess it'd be best, for both of us if I, didn't stay (I just can't stay)
Well, you never did care, enough about me, anyway
Left my heart, on the floor, now you know, gotta go, my own way
I can't stay, my own way
I can't stay, my own way
I can't stay, my own way



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

22:42

Monday, November 09, 2009,


Nothing's going my way, which is probably why it ain't going Man Utd's way also. -.- See? mutual bond wiv mi favy team. :D (this is freaking on d bright side of the downside -.-)

Come to think of it...why can't refs wear glasses? It doesn't really affect the game rite? They're not the ones on the end of all the tough tackles anw. FA should do use a bit more of their brains.
It seems, no one wants Man Utd 2 win that quadruple of league titles. Darn them. -.- The refs muz hav had a meeting before the season started 2 ALL GO AGAINST MAN UTD.

In truth, Man Utd themselves didn't play well. Except for one Rooney shot that forced a slightly more diff save from Cech (Chelsea's keeper), all the others went sky high! But still, the refs didnt do himself any favours by blocking every chance of man utd attacking. Either b'coz chelsea players are wailing in pain from being hit in the nuts (and then recovering like he's on drugs), or he's juz plain blind to see none of the tackles -.- (in fairness, tackles made from both sides).

I have to get this out of my system. Nvm nvm...sad then sad. I shall juz merge both my sadness together. I shall imagine _____'s face wearing a half-Chelsea,half-ref shirt is on my O lvl Higher Chinese ppr tmr, and give him the Johnny-Evans treatment on the chest, then the Ashley-Cole treatment in the nuts, and finally the duno-whose treatment on the legs! :P

You're going down, paper. You're going down.


Never attack a wounded beast,
Aloovi the Alv



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

17:30

Sunday, November 08, 2009,


Why am I still asking about her and him? It's juz lyk stepping on my own feet, making myself feel even more hopeless.

Every night, before I close my eyes, d memory of her telling me dat drifts back. No matter how tired I am that day, my mind somehow forces myself to remember dat time and again. :(I may try to be as normal as I can online, but in true fact, deep down it still hurts, it still aches. Like a ghost, it still haunts me.

I mean, wad's the use right? To her, I'm juz another of her many friends, another who talks to her, another whom she hears. Nothing more. Never did, never will.

I thought I was ready to let go of you-know-wad. But when I see her in person, I juz crumble once again. :S All the sadness juz floods back like there's no tmr.

To be honest, I think I'm nth much 2 her. Forget it, alvin.

Which further shows...this overseas trip nxt wk could be more of a boon than a bane. Hopefully.

Btw, I lecture no one. Do I ever sound like I'm lecturing? Truth is, it's hard 2 giv advice without sounding as if everything is sumting like a lecture. U hav to be kinda brutal at some times. That's how you nick the prob in the bud. But if you don't like it, I think it's best I rather nt giv any advice whatsoever in my life anymore, just 2 make sure it never ever will sound like a lecture.

To think a few days ago, I wanted to tuse Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney for the lyrics, and now, it has changed so drastically, along with the mood.

Cherish what you have, before it's gone b4 you even knew it happened.

confused,
Aloovi the Alv





Dear agony
Just let go of me
Suffer slowly
Is this the way it's gotta be?

Don't bury me
Faceless enemy
I'm so sorry
Is this the way it's gotta be?
Dear agony

Leave me alone, God let me go
All blue and cold, black sky will burn
Love pull me down, hate lift me up
Just turn around, there's nothing left

Somewhere far, beyond, this world
I feel nothing anymore.



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

09:14

Friday, November 06, 2009,


1st and foremost, thanks to passer-by and STRANGER for their advices. Really appreciate it. :D :D :D

I agree with you 2 in the sense that i should pick myself up. And wad's meant to be, will come back if it is so. Also, I must face reality and stand up again. Look ahead. Thanks.

However, I don't think I'm gonna chase her back. Because I feel it's not worth it. I mean, what would I get if I did 'steal' her from him? Does she really wanna be wiv mi at all? If she's wiv mi yet she's still thinking bout him, then wad's the point rite? I'm taking away her happiness, and that's not right, and definitely not what I wanna do. Yes, it "has to be agreed by both parties" (quoted). As long as she's happy with that guy, dat's all I can ask for.

As for whether I'm gonna explore, meet and experience more, even I can't tell. For now, certainly no. Although I'm not too upset now already, it's still gonna take me some time to get over this situation. It is, after all, the 1st time I've felt this way. Right now, just taking it one firm step at a time. We'll see, we'll see.

Still, thanks for both of your kind words. Really grateful to know there are such people looking out for you, uhh whoever you 2 are. xD Safe to say, I'm fine now. ;)

People are still kinda stunned about how I managed to recover that quickly from you-know-wad. And to be honest, laz afternoon I was really very down, to the point that I don't think I can go any lower. :( To the point that I not only cannot appreciate the upbeat songs, but have to skip it and go for those emo-sounding or lots of expletives kind of song. :S I seriously wasn't thinking at that time. Nothing's going into my head except you-know-wad.

But by the night, I'm suddenly back to normal. A case of me probably not loving her enough? Definitely not.

When a person hits rock bottom, the only way...is up.

After that post yesterday, I think I let out everything I've got. Not hiding everything, yet hiding some things to protect sum1's identity. That probably made me feel much better.

But the thing that really made me feel better is, ironically, thinking about her. While she was not there, I used the evening period to really think it through. And I've decided.

If I continue with being all down and everything, she's bound to suspect something. And why make myself go through all that torture, torment when her heart's not even here, rite?
Besides, I know, being happy, is what she wants me to be. Lover, or not. I just want her to be happy.

I kept thinking of how I'm gonna put this, but I'll juz shabbily say it how I thought of it. The pain in my heart will forever be there. Damage is done, which cannot be undone. But now, the pain will forever be masked, iced in a part of my heart. Forever going to be that unspoken confession. That iceberg that will never melt.

It's still all about her, all for her.
Isn't it?



But so many nights now
I find myself thinkin' about her now

Coz obviously
She's out of my league
But how can I win, she keeps, draggin' me in, and I, know I
Never will be good enough for her.

...

I'll put it behind me (I'll put it behind me)
Go to a place where she can't find me, oh

Coz obviously
She's out of my league
I'm wastin' my time, coz she'll, never be mine, and I, know I
Never will be good enough for her.
No, no
Never will be good enough for her

She's outta my hands, and I never know where I stand
Coz I'm not, good enough for her
He's good enough for her



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

18:28

Thursday, November 05, 2009,


Forget it.

The heart lies somewhere else. There's no use chasing a lost cause, things that are not within my reach, rite? No matter what is done, nobody can appreciate it, nobody will appreciate it. The love isn't here. It's there, so stop chasing. You'll nt reach it. Even if you did, you will not like what you see.

She told me that she thought she was single. That was all the info I needed to keep my hopes alive. Then one fateful day turned me upside down. I guess, I was too late. Why can't I get the message through? Why can't I say what I'm thinking? Why must I hide what I'm feeling?

Why can't you see, all that I've done now was not really just for me? Even in the examination hall, I'm thinking of not the paper, but who i'm really gonna do this for. Why can't you see it? Now, I really have no mood to do anyting anymore.

I'm having trouble to believe I was ever on your mind. It's getting harder just to breathe, coz you left my heart on the battle lines. You played the game, you called the shots, to get what you want. And I played your game long enough, took all the shots, in the end I lost. You and I weren't destiny, from the start wasn't meant to be.

You shut the door coz you have all the things you're hoping for, girl. So I guess it'd be best for both of us, if I didn't stay. I can't stay.

Admit it, we're finished. You want me no more. Like a nightmare, I lived it. It was too big to ignore. Abandoned, yea I'm crying inside. It's like you left me for dead. I'm so broken, my love's frozen. How do I have to live with regrets? Unexplainable, and unattainable.

Could've been, could've had, but you couldn't be sharing the same dreams as me.

Now here I am all alone outside, and I really wanna tell you everything I was feeling inside. Finally your mind will get some rest, and you'll feel much better. So close your tired eyes.

Maybe this Taipei trip nxt week could be a really good time. A good time for me to get over this whole thing. A good break to calm myself~~~

Standing alone
Holding on my own.
Stranded.
Lying here.
Hope had, disappeared.
Now I've no one to call, my own.

Look at my face, you'll see the pain in my eyes, you'll know the pain's in my heart.

I wasn't part of your story. Never be.

Now I don't even know how I'm gonna communicate with you anymore. Everytime I talk 2 u, I think about it. But if I don't talk 2 u, you'll definitely ask why I'm avoiding. What on earth has happened?

Should I stay? Should I go? Should've asked, yet don't wanna know. Who are you thinking bout? What is it that keeps me hanging on to every word you say? What is it that keeps me holding on to you?

Because you're stuck in my head like my favourite song. Without you here, I get nowhere. And I ask, "Why not me?"

I'm doing so not because I don't love you, but because I want you to be happy with who you are with. It's for the sake of you.

the never-spoken confession,
Aloovi the Alv





But it's me who's out here in the rain, knocking at your door
Paying the price, for all his lies

I'd write you a song, but I can't find the words to say
To tell you what's on my mind
But even a symphony can't say, what you mean to me
So how can I?
How can I give you

All of me, when all I get is half, of you.
Now tell me what am I, supposed to do
if all I get is half, of you
If all you give is half, of you

Wanna be the reason that you never look for love again
Baby girl I wanna be your lover, your best friend
How we gonna make it if you're never gonna let me in
What can I do, to prove that my love is true

I keep holding on for so as long, as it's gonna take
Until you realise
Look in my eyes, they won't ever let you be betrayed
I'm not that guy
But how can I give you

All of me, when all I get is half, of you.
Now tell me what am I, supposed to do
if all I get is half, of you
If all you give is half, of you

Now girl you got me locked up doing time
Got me paying for somebody else's crime
But how can love burn, if it's not returned
I need more than this, so how can I give

All of me, when all I get is half, of you.
Now tell me what am I, supposed to do
if all I get is half, of you

How can I give you all of me, when all I get is half, of you?
Now tell me what am I, supposed to do
if all I get is half, of you
If all you give is half, of you



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

15:13

Wednesday, November 04, 2009,


Why muz ppl fall out after the confession? Is there really no better way than dat? Does it always have to end that way?

To me, I believe this does not have to end that way. All I'll ask for is an answer on where your heart really lies. Even if we can't be lovers, being best friends is definitely possible. I know it's possible.

Yes awkwardness is inevitable between the two parties, because from then on whenever they talk 2 each other, some things talked about will certainly trigger dat confession moment. But that's where either side has 2 ways to go. Brush it off by changing the subject, or talk about it once again.

The period after confession will kill her more than it does for me. Dat's why I'm here. I hope she can do wad she has been doing all these while --- when you have a problem and couldn't figure out, we sit down tgt and talk it out. ;) Do wad we've been doing all along. ;)

Dao-ing each other? This guy muz really hate you for rejecting him. Dat's nt gd 2 himself more than 2 u actually. Does he know what he actually wants? Accept and respect the decision. Like a great fwen once told me, let's noe wad can be done now; in the future, who knows, rite?

Let time tell.

Why am I thinking of this even before I'm even in a relationship, I myself don't even know. -.-

Oh and uhh still, thanks to someone who's seriously helping me with my pondering, reli wanting me to make not only the right decision, but the BEST DECISION.

Thank you.


Someone who wants to find out, all that I have to give
Who can bring me, what is missin'
When I talk she, wanna listen
Sittin' patient, steady waitin'
For the day when I can face it

The one that can love me for, who I am and so much more
(Is it you?) You're my bond
(Say that I) I found the one
I ain't gonna rest till I know for sure


pre-confession,
Aloovi the Alv



Now you wanna be free;
rocker So i'm letting you fly

21:54