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the final blogpost, the swansong

2010-05-02T18:58:00.005+08:00

Firstly, a public announcement: After this blogpost, I will not post anymore on this blog. I'm not going to delete it, but I'm just not going to post anymore. Reason being, I don't want anyone to get hurt and worried over me anymore, it's not worth it. Everyone else should stay happy, I shouldn't pound my miseries on them. So sorry to anyone who got worried for me after seeing my blogposts.

But ppl can still tag if they want. I'll still come back to my blog almost everyday and reply to any tags asap, k? And thanks for being loyal readers of my blog. Really appreciate it.

Well, here it goes...

To be honest, deep down in me, I know I'm so dumb, and so unthoughtful that I still do not know why you hate me so much, and what sinful thing(s) have I done that angered and annoyed you so much that you won't want to talk to me ever again. But don't get angry yet, coz I won't ask for the answer. I know you don't want me to ask you regarding this, so I really won't ask about it anymore. I figured, if you really wanted to let me know about something, you'd tell me.

Things are still affecting me alot, that I really cannot deny. And I don't see it stopping anytime soon, or even at all. But that's ok. I know I always say sorry and then continue with "but...", I have this very bad habit of doing so. I try to cheer up as much as I can, especially when I'm among people because I don't want them to come asking me "you ok?" and I have to fake a smile and say "yea". That's why especially near you, I try to keep myself as happy as I can so that you wouldn't worry about me anymore. I know I sound very different talking to you on sms/msn as compared to what I type here, which is why you said that. True enough, I do sound different. There's only one reason for this.

All I'm trying to say is, I've pushed my boundaries too far. I haven't been paying attention to things I've said. I just keep on spamming things to say everytime I get a chance to hear from you. I always think I'm right at everything, which leads me to argue with lots of 'buts' and thus making all my sorries sound useless. I also have not cared enough bout your feelings, always talking about myself or my situation 1st before I move on to talk about yours when what you really needed was just for me to show I care alot about you. I've not done that well, probably not done that at all. Over here, I really want to look at you right in the eyes and tell you a huge sorry, for everything I have not done to show that I care and am sincere. These 2 weeks, I've been upset not because it has ended, rather it's coz we couldn't even be friends anymore, we couldn't talk to one another like how you wanted it before all these, and we couldn't talk about martians and aliens coming to kill me and throwing balls at me.

It may take more than just a few days. It may take weeks, it may take months, or even years. But nevertheless, if not talking to me makes you forget about everything that has happened, then I respect that. All I hope for is you can stay happy always from now on, and never have to shed a single tear anymore. I may not be of any religion, but I'll pray for that to happen. It's a promise to myself.

Adding to that, I have been thinking of this (whether to ask you about talking things out) these few days so much so that I've neglected you, and how you've been doing, both in school and at home. I'm utterly apologetic for not being there. It's very difficult to satisfy parents about the computer usage. When we tell them we are doing work on our computers (albeit at the same time talking to a few people on MSN), they treat it as if we're 100% on MSN only, not having one bit of urgency for our work. Everytime we don't do well, they point the blame straight at the usage of SMSes and MSN. It sucks to tell them that it's not and they don't seem to ever believe in that answer, or any answer at all, but what I think is, as long as deep down you know you're trying your best to keep a healthy balance of work and play, then that's all that is needed.

Parents have their reasons for freaking out over results, but so do we have our reasons for slips in tests. And some reasons, we just don't want them to know, because we don't want them to worry, right? I firmly believe, all your staying ups till 11+, sometimes past midnight, were not for the reasons your parents may think it is. You'll tide through all your subjects. Hard work ultimately pays off. :)

Unlike you, I've kept too many things from my parents. I give my parents a false sense of everything's-ok by only showing them only results that I do well for it. When they ask me whether I'm doing well, I always reply "ok ba" even when I'm failing tests despite all that I've tried. It's just...everytime I'm doing a test, my mind just goes blank suddenly and I forget everything. I try to recall every bit but I always recall either the wrong things or other things unrelated to the topic/subject. I dislike it even more when they keep telling me about how others can do this do that and we couldn't! It gets on my nerves! We're not them. They probably have IQ twice or more than that of us, so don't compare them to us coz we're not that smart people.

Still, no doubt they will blame us, we understand why they're doing so. They're parents afterall, at least it shows they're responsible parents. But as for us, we just have to learn to take what they say with a pinch of salt. We love them, so as much as parents may say that we should work hard for ourselves, a part of us want to make them happy with our results too. I'm sure with time, your parents will understand that what is most important is that you've been constantly trying. Give yourself more confidence, k? :) Stay strong, you can pull it through. :)

There isn't anything much I can do about this, nor anything you might want me to do with it. So all I've been doing these days, is to just keep myself online for as long as I can, just in case someday, maybe one day you might ask me for help regarding your work. I'm always open to helping friends. Even if you can't get your full support from your parents, hey, there are still friends to make up for any little percentages of support that your parents might have left out. :) Who knows, it could leave up to more than 100% in the end, so don't worry, k? Friends will always be there no matter what happens. ;)

Everytime, I'm scared of what I'm going to say. Over here, MSN or SMS. Because I afraid what I say will sound incomplete...

Rmb the glass bottle of stars? Maybe you don't have it with you anymore, but in case you still wanted to know the answer, it's love you like I always do.

I know I can't show how sincere I really am through a computer, and you wouldn't believe a thing I'll say anymore, but my last hope, is that you could accept this one last apology from me, please.

I'm sorry.

2010-05-02T14:20:00.002+08:00

Ways to tell if relationship's gonna work!

Whenever you are with him/her, nothing else in the world matters.

You think about him/her all day long, and dream about him/her every night.

He/She is the first and last voice you want to hear.

Even if your parents don't want you being together you stay together.

He/She can drive you crazy and yet you still wanna always be around him/her.

You don't have to worry about losing him/her to anybody.

Religious matters don't get in the way.

He/She understand your schedule can't always fit them in.

He/She will give you your space and respect you.

To points 8 and 9, particularly at 8...I'm very sorry, for blaming you for everything I myself couldn't do. :( :( :(

2010-05-01T22:49:00.003+08:00

Yeaps, I think I can almost 99.999% confirm that I should piss out of ppl's life.

I'm insignificant, rmb?

2010-04-30T20:53:00.008+08:00

I don't know what got into me today, but today evening, after the girls Touch Rugby finals at JJC, I was looking at which bus to take to go home. No bus reached Woodlands. So I looked for buses that went to MRTs, which led me to see a particular station. Without any doubt, I immediately decided to take that bus, and on the way, it made me think about alighting 2 stops before that MRT station, to a bus stop which gave me a lot of memories. The 1st $2.20 drinks that I very willingly bought, the smses that came after alighting from that stop about how happy it was, the bus that I used to take, the gaze after leaving the bus just to see more...

I alighted at that stop and just walked the entire path to the MRT station, using that time to just recollect...and recollect...

2010-04-28T22:11:00.005+08:00

Day 30

There you see it, exactly 1 month, and another milestone in my discovery of myself.

I really do suck. Everything, every doing, every word that comes out of me is never right. Never.

Me trying to help, trying to be concerned always = failing/angering/pissing ppl off, etc.

Thing is, I want everything between us to work, and in the end, even just being friends, I failed in all of them.

Done deal, I totally suck.

2010-04-27T19:20:00.004+08:00

I think it's plain for me to see already, I really am just some piece of thing on d floor. I mean really, if I just disappear from this place, no one will know. no one will care anw~

Then again, when I look at my wallet, rich or well-off, I'm not.

When I look at my results, smart I'm not.

When I look at myself in the mirror...maybe I really don't deserve anything at all.

I just hope that no one else in d world would be treated like dat, even when termed 'friends'.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all.

2010-04-25T22:44:00.001+08:00

Simply put, I seem to be the only 1 who wants the convo, not you.

2010-04-24T14:58:00.002+08:00

I look at my April 20 post, and EVERYTHING STILL STANDS.

Every night, I curl up in bed, muffing any cries I may have. Every morning, on the bus to school, I have one hand holding onto my phone, the other clinging tightly onto that frog, even if there are sharp edges, hoping that a miracle, and really a huge miracle, could happen. Yes I'm weak, coz I really don't know what else I can do already.

Till now, it hasn't.

Again, it's a lone battle, and I am still the annoying, uninteresting pest.

What is the world becoming of? Is studies and being in different schs, different places causing all these?

How come, we could not weather

This storm, and just do better

Why, did we say good-bye?

2010-04-20T19:43:00.003+08:00

I've thought about this for a long time, and I think it's time I just post it.

Before I start, I do this on account of no one but myself. THIS HAS NO ONE INVOLVED except me.

Feelings & emotions are 2 very big things in my life. They make up the core of me, buried deep somewhere inside me. Everything stems from feelings & emotions to me. It can make my day.

Or break it.

So imagine this. Me, digging right into them, modifying, twisting, bending, changing them. Yes, it hurts. Every night, I really can feel it being twisted inside out, folding here and there. These few nights, I even tried to study till past midnight to tire myself out, and hopefully get my mind off things. But no matter how tired I am, without fail, it still happens every night. When everyone is asleep, that's the best time I could curl myself up into a ball as tightly as possible and drop my head without anyone noticing.

Since till now, I don't know what made me deserve to be treated like an enemy, I have come to this conclusion below.

I'm an irritating, uninteresting pest.

It's come to the point, where nobody will talk me out of this.

Call me crazy, call me stupid, call me dumb, call me insane, to be doing all these.

But it's because I really want to do it for d times I have ever felt glimmers in my life, that kind of feeling dat u want to put your heart and soul in everything regarding something or someone.

A boring person like me would never have ppl who are interested to know one bit about me. Never.

If I'd disappeared from this world for an hour or more, how many ppl would actually care? Would any1 even bother to? Oh of course not, coz I've realised I no longer exist. Wow.

Just let it all sink in.

All I can say is, my friends, I have 3 words:

A lone battle.

2010-04-18T17:25:00.001+08:00

Imagine d sudden silence without knowing what hit you. Ouch. That sux.

self-encouragement for bio lecture test tmr, i guess.

I...can...do...it.

I think.

2010-04-17T23:46:00.001+08:00

Give it 1 more week, Alvin.

give it 1 more week.

hang in there.

2010-04-15T19:35:00.002+08:00

My new blogsong. Every word speaks for itself. Every word.

[Mariah Carey]

I shouldn't have, walked away

I would've stayed, if you said

We could've made, everything ok, but we just

Threw the blame, back and forth

We treated love, like a sport

The final blow, hit so low

I'm still, on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall

Shattered in pieces curled on the floor

Supernatural love conquers all

Remember we, used to touch, the, sky

Lightning don't strike, the same place twice

When you and I, said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

We let it drift, in a storm, every night

I felt the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived?

Bring it back and we gon' make it right

I'm on the edge just trying to survive

As the angels cry

[Ne-Yo]

I thought we'd be forever and always

You were serenity you took away the bad days

Didn't always treat you right, but it was ok

I do something stupid, and you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long

Doing the one you claim to love wrong

Before too much is enough, you look up

Find your love gone, and

We were, so good together

How come, we could not weather

This storm, and just do better

Why, did we say goodbye

Cause lightning don't strike, the same place twice

When you and I, said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

We let it drift, in a storm, every night

I felt the angels cry

C'mon babe can't our love be revived?

Bring it back and we gon' make it right

I'm on the edge just trying to survive

As the angels cry

Baby I miss you

Don't allow love to lose

We gotta ride it through

I'm reaching for you

Baby I miss you

Don't allow love to lose

We gotta ride it through

I'm reaching for you

[Both]

Lightning don't strike

The same place twice

You and I, said goodbye

I felt the angels cry

True love's a gift

We let it slip

In a storm, every night

I felt the angels cry...

Oh babe, don't let angels

Cry

2010-04-11T11:48:00.002+08:00

1 word: avoiding?

Only we ourselves know d answer...

2010-04-10T11:36:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, my friend told me he's not gonna go fr d girl he's been liking for months alr. This was wad happened.

One day after lecture, he saw her wiv another guy frm her class. Dat guy had his hand over her shoulder and she didn't seem 2 mind one bit. I was there to see it when it happened. It happened once before too with the same guy, but i wasn't there at that time.

My 1st reaction to my friend was, so u're juz gonna nt go fr her b'coz u've seen that? He then reacted quite aggressively, saying "but seeing like that, which guy would be able to take it?"

"Yea, i know wad u mean" was all I could tell him.

"I know what you mean", I murmured under my breath again.

The worst thing is, he was about to give himself that confidence to go fr it, but now he didn't even get started.

He's right. No guy in d right mind would tolerate such things over and over again, esp coz he wasn't in the know. No one, guys or gals, would want d other party 2 do something without knowing wad juz happened. Coz when he does find out, d hurt is indescribable. Overwhelming, unbearable.

I feel fr u, dude. Just hope this doesn't hold you back. I've told u things too, but there r some things u can learn from me, most u can't. Good luck.

2010-04-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder whether dat's reli how u talk 2 fwenz... o.o

2010-04-08T19:41:00.002+08:00

I can take the rain, on the roof of this, empty house

That don't bother me

I can take a few, tears now and then and just, let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry, every once, in a while, even though

Going on, with you gone, still upsets me

There are days, every now, and again, I pretend, I'm okay

But that's, not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that loving you, is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal, with the pain of losing you, everywhere I go

But I'm doing it

It's hard to force that smile, when I see our old, friends and I'm alone

Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with, this regret,

But I know, if I could do it over

I would trade, give away, all the words, that I saved, in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say (much to say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that loving you, is what I was tryin' to do, oh

Oh yea, yeah

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And havin' so much to say (to, say)

And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'

What could've been

And not seein' that loving you, is what I was tryin' to do

Not seeing that loving you

That's what I was trying, to do

2010-04-06T20:45:00.002+08:00

I meant every sms that I sent~~~

I am still waiting, no matter wad.

2010-04-05T22:58:00.001+08:00

the pain of upsetting/angering/hurting someone you really don't want to hurt.

2010-04-05T21:54:00.003+08:00

still, i'm very sorry. It is my fault that i didn't tell you what my schedule was like fr the weeks, which made u angry dat i was so late. Adding to that, I could let you know that my parents wanted 2 talk 2 me only 15 minutes before it happened. Dat was despicable of me.

Yes I've shrunk back, not daring to make a single 1st move anymore, because my moves are never right.

I promise you, i'll be there whenever I can. As much as I can, I'll let u know as soon as possible if unexpected things needs me to attend all of a sudden. You'll be the first to know everything. Every minute, every second. I promise.

Till now, I have not hidden anything from you. Just haven't told u alot.

"The question doesn't come, so the answer never did either~" Anonymous.

2010-04-02T00:01:00.001+08:00

‘Therefore, when we are arguing, DO NOT speak words that will make our hearts drift apart. Wait a few days. When you feel your hearts are no longer far apart, pick up the conversation and continue from there.

~a quote from somewhere unknown~

2010-04-01T22:03:00.001+08:00

today, i broke a pipette during chem practical. It just flunked out of my hands, I also duno why.

Actually, maybe I do. My mind's still floating somewhere in the air...

2010-03-31T17:06:00.002+08:00

I think what's important, to anyone at all, is to be truthful. I don't believe anyone in this world likes liars, rite?

Live a life without regrets. Clean, and never having to cover up at all. Coz covering up, may just come back to bite you in the end.

Do what you want others to do to you. ;)

2010-03-31T16:13:00.002+08:00

Please don't leave 987FM. You're the one who deserves to stay, not her. We all know why you left in such a fury yesterday, and I support you. :D It's good to know that you're being yourself on radio. Straightforward, unselfish and sticking to your principles. Your feelings are being known. We've listened to you for so long alr, we understand how you're like. I would say, well done. ;) Just looking at her blogs shows that she doesn't care much about her profession. She just got the contract and wants to finish it and "get her ass out of there". Well, if she hates the job so much, then don't start work on it at all. We want responsible DJ. The way you behave on radio makes you sound like you're the busiest person on Earth when you only have 4 hours of DJ work everyday on weekdays only. How difficult is that? It all boils down to responsibility. She should know better that everyone is listening to a popular radio station like 987FM. First two days of work only and already so much happened, what more 8 weeks? Don't say you, everyone else is as puzzled and even furious at what their ears are being 'treated' to. I know mine are really bleeding...

Everyone was very surprised when we heard the news of her joining the drive-time show, and 987FM. The radio ad for the new show was just further proof. We were tolerant with her, I'm sure u were too. But two days into the job is more than enough of a testament of what's to come. Thing is, did she even go for training or something before she was given the contract? o.O

You're a professional DJ, you know what to do and what you cannot. But we really hope after you've calmed down, you'd go back to 987FM. The drive-time show really needs you, not Ris. I would rather keep a person who treats radio as a profession and do her job to her very best, and not just something which can breach contracts and 'get it over and done with.' In any job in the world, her behaviour is unbearable already. What more on national radio? She totally didn't deserve this profession. If people are saying that it was also unprofessional of you to leave early for the show, I would like to tell these people that they should look at the reasons of each of your 'leavings'. We know you well enough to know that when u say it's this, you mean it. But we hope on your part, you can go back to 987, please. Everyone is worried for you, and wants you back. Frankly, we prefer your cool accent to hers which I don't even know how 2 describe. We do not mind getting together to bring her off the show. 8 weeks. Hang in there. You have all our support. ;)

Replacing you on radio? Try keeping the popularity of that timeslot decent 1st. She's dreaming, of a fat fat hope. (somehow I hope someone calls her on radio to provoke her. Then she'd sprout out something she shouldn't, and get her just desserts for what she said about you on her blog. To be honest, I'm very disappointed in 987.) 987 better do something about this. If they don't, I really would not listening 2 the drive-time show of 987FM anymore.

OMG she doesn't even know who is adam lambert -.- fail like shit.

2010-03-30T23:35:00.003+08:00

I know you don't think, that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down, to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again, don't make me change my mind

I won't, live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a girl like you's impossible to find

You're impossible to find.

This is not, what I intended

I always swore to you I'd never fall apart

You always thought, that I was stronger

I may have failed, but I have, loved you from the start.

~Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

2010-03-29T21:15:00.003+08:00

~I got a tight grip on reality but I can't, let go of what's in front of me here.~

Think about it, whether what I said is true,

as much as I'm thinking about yours.

Have I really become that kind of a person?

2010-03-29T20:41:00.002+08:00

I swear I'll be here still. Whatever you want to do with this, I'm leaving it to you. I'm not gonna do anything at all. I don't want to put you in anymore pressure. If you want me to talk, then I talk. Really.

You said I should learn how difficult it is for someone else, what about me?

So this is it?

2010-03-26T22:58:00.002+08:00

A quote I saw somewhere, and found it pretty good. Here's a few extracts.

"The right guy won't get you to change......he'll actually sit through stupid girly Disney movies with you because he just wants to be with you."

But this 1 i personally like:

"he'll only go as far as you're comfortable with"

2010-03-22T23:04:00.002+08:00

My knees went weak and you saw me cry

Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

~The Script - I'm Yours

2010-03-22T22:07:00.002+08:00

Just know y i'm doing all these.

2010-03-18T08:55:00.002+08:00

pushing the bare minimum lower, and lower, and lower.

How low can it go? How low must it go? o.o

2010-03-17T21:18:00.002+08:00

WHAT AM I TO...? Like really, WHAT AM I?

People don't like it when nobody replies them and goes off. So do he. So do she. So do they. So do I.

how true...

2010-03-14T17:38:00.006+08:00

Extracts from an article I read on the net, courtesy of Dan.

For the full article...

http://www.mediacorptv.sg/en/buzzdetail/EDC100312-0000347

“A very big part of our lives together is a lot of laughing,” said Jaime. “It bonds a relationship and makes everyday together worth it."

Daniel - whom Jaime affectionately declared a “textbook husband” – believes the secret bond to their great relationship is “all about the effort and little things” that might sound cliché but rings true in keeping the romance alive. He said: “It’s all about effort. Every time you put in effort and the moment it comes back to you, you‘ll feel it immediately."
Mirroring the husband’s spoken discourse, Jaime said: “[It] links back to what kind of love-language you have. For both of us, affection is a big thing. It’s like the little hand-holding and the hugs.”

“I'll make her laugh and act the silly fool just to see her smile, I think that’s really important. Getting her a cup of coffee in the morning, waking her up and stroking her hair, it’s all about the little things.”

“Jaime is very sweet she bakes cakes for me. I’ve gained 10kg in the last two years [but] they say that could be a sign of bliss and it’s kind of true in a way, you know.”

Daniel said: “It’s all about finding the right compromise for every situation. If we fight about anything, we’ll cool off for a little bit but after that agree to disagree.”
Jaime chipped in: “You have to go into a marriage with the thought [that] this is forever and therefore you make everything work. There are some things that you take the good with the bad, you can’t expect the person to be perfect because I’m not and nobody is.”

Gotta hand it to this celebrity couple. I guess some things can really be learnt from the 2 of them...

2010-03-11T20:07:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through,

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me,

to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you.

And the reason is you

And the reason is you.

I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you.

2010-03-10T18:18:00.003+08:00

Watch what I say

Watch what I do.

I've made a choice

So stick to it.

Ah well, couldn't make it rhyme. Anyone?

2010-03-10T17:23:00.003+08:00

Today I had my 1st ever GP test. It was terrible enough~

But for the first time, I wasn't sad that I didn't do well for a paper. There were just too many things running through my head that I couldn't keep my focus on the paper. Not a single bit of focus on d paper at all. My mind just wasn't on the paper.

My friend even asked me why I took almost 30 mins so long to just plan out my points. I could only keep quiet and simply say too bad for me. My person was merely physically there, but definitely not mentally.

wtf am i doing? seriously, WTF am i doing?

2 tests gone and this is how it's been. I'm not blaming the paper. The paper in truth wasn't that hard. I just wasn't there, at all.

Taking a step back...a good thing? Hope so. Would doing so let people look broader, more openly? I don't know. Just never expected ever had to move back. Really hope it's a good thing~ Really.

I must say, I'm impressed by how people in my school, or at least my class, seem 2 have this special ability 2 seamlessly fit into the JC life, both school and others. But as for me, I plead, and truly plead, for time to get used to this. I'm one who really needs time to adjust to something that I've totally not expected to happen, again. So i really hope that I'd be given some time to adjust during this period too~~~

2010-02-19T23:07:00.003+08:00

Just did a school survey on our opinion on BRG & Marriage. My 1st response was like...hmm? HCI actually has this? Wow...interesting.

Here's some interesting 1s ba.

(10)* I would allow my partner to fulfil her dream even when it inconveniences me [SA]

(12)* Giving my dating partner the space to make free choices is important. [SA]

(15)* I believe that giving and taking is important to building a healthy relationship [SA]

(16)* I believe that love is not equivalent to loving feelings alone. [SA]

(27)* It is perfectly all right for a girl to take lead in dating relationship. [SA]

(28)* I will go against my parents' wishes if they disapprove of my dating relationship. [A]

(34)* I believe that failure to resolve conflicts will lead to breakdown in a marriage. [SA]

(36)* I want to find a life partner who is committed to problem-solving in our relationship. [SA]

There are 53 qns in d survey btw. shocking eh? I particularly like point 15 and 16. Sometimes u give, sometimes you take, a one-way relationship will definitely be short-term. At least I think so. Sometimes u're both happy, sometimes u make one another upset. But what's most important is what do u do, how do u go from there. Only then can it last. My opinion. ;)

I don't know how many people are looking, but hey, I strongly agreed to pnt 27. I don't see why girls can't take the lead, rite? There's no 'paiseh', no face, no shame involved in it, so why must it be always the guy? This is my advice fr both guys n gals btw. ;)

2010-02-18T23:34:00.001+08:00

"so how's yr studies?"

"oh it's ....................................................................."

"oh ok"~silence~

2010-02-15T08:54:00.003+08:00

My family was watching a show a few days ago, which made me think, as usual. xD

There was this boy and girl in luv wiv each other, and one fine day the girl went up to hold the guy's hand. Simple as that. But then the instant reaction from my brothers were "eee, the guy so no initiative."

I, somehow, beg to differ leh. I think to all guys and gals, everything doesn't always have to be started by guys. Always starting with guys make it seem so one-way, doesn't it?

Some guys, , just do not want to force anything on girls, and rather let her come into his arms when she's comfortable to do so. Yea ;)

Still, it's just MY OPINION~ xD

2010-01-27T12:46:00.001+08:00

Manchester United have agreed terms with Fulham to sign England Under-21 international defender Chris Smalling, who will join the Reds from the start of the 2010/11 season. He will remain at Fulham until the end of the current season.

Profile: Chris Smalling

Position: Centre-back

DOB: 22/11/89, Greenwich, London

Height: 192cm

Weight: 81kg

Well welcome to Man United, Smalling. I'm PUNY -.-, nice 2 meet u. -.-

2010-01-26T17:09:00.003+08:00

[Guy Sebastian]

I'm saying sorry, in advance

Coz this won't always, go to plan

Though we don't mean to take our love, for granted

It's in our nature to forget, what matters, yea.

[Jordin Sparks]

And when the going is getting tough

And we're all about giving up, things that we never thought we'd say, gonna say them

Things that we never thought we'd play, gonna play them

[Guy]

It ain't perfect (perfect), but it's worth it (worth it), and it's

[Both]

Always getting better

[Jordin]

It's gonna take some (take some), time, to get it right

[Both]

Coz I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble, let me know

[Jordin] You need to spell it out

[Guy] You need to spell it out

[Jordin] You need to spell it out

[Guy] You need it spell it out for me coz

[Both] I'm still trying to learn the art of love

[Guy]

If I forget, to get the door

Remind you that, you're beautiful

I know my detail requires, more attention

If I ever hurt you, it's not, my intention

[Jordin]

Coz we're gonna make (gonna make), our mistakes (our mistakes)

Find out how much our hearts can take, but

I know that, you got my back

And baby I've got, yours

[Both]

Coz I'm still learning the art of love

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble, let me know

[Guy] You need to spell it out

[Both] You need to spell it out

[Guy] You need to spell it out

[Both] You need it spell it out for me coz

I'm still trying to learn the art of love

[Jordin]

Sometimes I'm gonna miss

[Guy]

I'm still learning how to give, learning how to give

[Jordin]

I'm not giving up

[Guy]

I'm still learning how to love, learning how to love

[Jordin]

Learning how to, love

[Both]

Coz I'm still learning the art of love (the art of love)

I'm still trying to not mess up

So whenever I stumble, let me know (lemme know lemme know lemme know)

[Guy] You need to spell it out

[Both] You need to spell it out

[Jordin] You need to spell it out

[Both] You need it spell it out for me coz

I'm still trying to learn the art of love

The art of love

Still learning, the art of love

Still learning (still learning), the art of love

[Guy]

I'm still trying to learn the art of love

[Jordin]

Still learning (hey), art of love

Still learning (I'm still learning), art of love

Still learning (hey), art of love

[Both]

I'm gonna get it wrong sometimes, coz i'm learning

Still learning (hey), art of love

Still learning (oh), art of love

Still learning (still learning), art of love

The art, the art, the art of love

2010-01-23T18:55:00.002+08:00

This is the goals of the Reserve game of Man Utd (in black) against Sunderland.

All I want people to look at is black shirt number 9. So far, there reli is no doubting, that no. 9 Diouf is going to be something special. This guy has alot of attributes at his disposal, I must say. Speed, strength, agility, chips here and there, precision, and even packs a powerful shot.

The last 3 particularly shown in his hat-trick against Sunderland here.

Look out for this guy, people.

2010-01-22T21:55:00.002+08:00

I don't know how many people have actually heard about this.

http://mediacorptv.sg/en/buzzdetail/EDC100122-0000230

Things he said in this article really inspired me. In case fellow readers y'all don't wanna read d entire ting, I shall extract some then. ;)

"I often ask myself what are my priorities, and family is my priority right now. I think it's something I'm very blessed to be able to do. I've saved enough to not have to worry about not being able to provide. We also go to lesser restaurants, haha!"

Sacrifices, both him (for his job), and his wife Jaime (eat less restaurant :P).

"All Jaime wanted was for me to be happy. She said, 'As long as you're happy, go ahead and do it.' She's the best person in the world. She went through thick and thin with me. [Since] we both came from single families, we both realise how important for both of us there for the baby."

Uhh I think I don't have 2 say anyting about this, rite? The quote speaks for itself, doesn't it? Very loving couple, I must say. ;)

"I think I've been the most intense person on radio, but some may think I'm crazy, insane, overdoing it or overbearing sometimes. But just for the record, it's all part of the passion."

I think alot of 2009'4E1 ppl like to hear this. PASSION. xD

But I really hav to applaud Dan here. Giving up your passion for your family, not everyone will actually make such a big sacrifice. And I totally didn't know, behind that look (which doesn't make u look like a father xD) is actually a very thoughtful person who cares for his wife and his impending baby daughter more than anything else in the world. He can give up everything, but not his family. A really sensible sensible move. I mean, wad else can i do but applaud him, rite?

So take a bow, Dan. ;)

Your daughter will definitely be as great as you are. And uhh...come back to radio soon. I'm sure alot of people wanna hear from u again. ;)

Cheers 2 Dan the Man, as he likes to call himself. xD

2010-01-21T19:29:00.002+08:00

2 words: Haunting. Unimpressed.

The first word u watch d video u will understand luh.

As for the second, the plot's simply him being harassed by a camera man. But 2 me, the essence of the song is the solo guitar play at the start of the song and somewhere around 2/3 of the song. I was expecting there'd be like some kind of zoom on a guitar when d guitarist play that actually.

Pity, coz he actually looked LESS GAY at d start of d video, but then starting from the chorus, it's BACK TO GAYNESS for him. -.-

Pity too, coz on a personal opinion, I think this song is brilliant. Song.

2010-01-16T16:24:00.002+08:00

Shocking, I was going through today's New Paper, and I actually saw Avril Lavigne. Not very shocking when u 1st hear it, but guess what she was advertising? CANON!!! Holy cow, wearing some black maid looking lyk outfit summore, holding d canon camera. I think she looks better in her pink and black look. ;)

Blah Blah Blah starts 2 grow on me.

And I'm changing my phone. :) Changing to SE595, colour-wise I duno though...suggestions? :D

2010-01-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

When you finally say words she's been waiting for you to say, and she don't believe you, but you say them back anyway...

When she tells you that she don't want you to call/sms her and still you call/sms 1st thing in the morning just to ask how she is...

When hearing her voice, even after long hours of arguing, makes you smile...

When you waited for her for years just so she's ready to fall for you...

When you read through thatslove posts and wondering if they wrote them, and realising how much they mean to you...

When after a year of only seeing her a few times every month, you're ready to do it for another year even if it means everyone else don't believe in you two...

When you live far apart form each other and have busy lives, but always find time to talk to each other all day...

When everytime you hear someone say her name or anyting that sounds like it, you turn immediately with a hopeful smile on your face...

If we ever had to be without each other for an extended period of time, I'd be the saddest person on earth...

Whenever you hear a duet, she is the first person that strikes your mind...

When she is not giving up, can't let go after all that has happened, and no matter what everyone says...

When you wait for years for her, not knowing if she'll every come back, but she's worth the wait...

2010-01-10T22:40:00.002+08:00

After listening 2 so so many songs by her, and so so so many performances of almost all her songs, I still think...this is the best by her. :)

Closed, off from, love, I didn't need, the pain

Once or twice was enough, and it was all, in vain

Time starts, to pass, before you know it you're frozen...ooh

But something happened for the very first time with you

My heart melted to the ground, found, something true

And everyone's, looking around, thinking I'm going crazy

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's, crippled by the vein, that I keep on, closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open

Trying hard, not to hear, but they talk so loud

Their piercing sounds, fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt

Yet I know, that the goal, is to keep me from falling

But nothing's greater than the risk that comes with your embrace

And in this world, of loneliness, I see your face

Yet everyone, around me, thinks that I'm going crazy

Maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's, crippled by the vein, that I keep on, closing

You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love

Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love

You cut me open

And it's draining all, of me

Oh they find it hard, to believe

I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see.

I don't care what they say

I'm in love with you

They try to pull me away

But they don't know the truth

My heart's, crippled by the vein, that I keep on, closing

Ooh...You cut me open and I

(Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love)

(I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love)

(Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love)

Oh, you cut me open and I

(Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love)

(I keep bleeding) Oh keep bleeding love (I keep keep bleeding love)

(Keep bleeding) I keep...(keep keep bleeding love)

Ooh, you cut me open and I

Keep bleeding

Keep keep bleeding, love

2010-01-10T21:45:00.002+08:00

"When her problems always come before your problems..."

"When you're more than comfortable together..."

"When you can't sleep at night because you miss her too much, so you send her a text message: 'I love you, and I miss you so much', and suddenly she answers and you know that she's awake for the same reason..."

"When you've been together for over a year, and she's still the only thing on your mind, all day, everyday..."

"Not giving up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about..."

"When it's 1% looks, 99% heart..."

"When she smiles and says, 'I'm fine' to you when she's actually tearing apart inside just so that you don't have to worry about her..."

"When you talk about anything and everything all the time and never get bored of each other..."

"When you go to bed at 11 but get to sleep at 2 because you can't stop thinking about them, replaying your conversations in your head and smiling to yourself..."

"When you wanna die when she's with other guys..."

"When the distance, the time between seeing each other, the loneliness, the depression...everything is going against your relationship, yet you 2 still make it, still coming out stronger than ever, and prove everyone wrong..."

"When even though you’re miles apart and your heart aches just to be near her, just to touch her, just to breathe in her scent or to feel her heart beat in time with yours. But you’re perfectly fine with just talking with her over the computer. It doesn’t change a thing for you. you love her. and you love her unconditionally. you want no one but her. you dream of being with her. you plan to spend the rest of your life with her. some how. some way. she’ll be yours for always. and you know she will. and she knows you’ll be hers for always. you’ve made a promise to each other. to love with no doubt or no interference. you love her. she loves you. and when you’re feeling down, just the thought of her makes your worst days a lot better. when she says she loves you, you know it’s true. when she tells you everything’s gonna be ok and that she loves you. you feel oddly at peace with the world cuz you know there’s nothing more true than her love for you and honestly, to me…that’s love"

[this guy must have juz plunked his whole life in dis -.- but nice ;) ]

2010-01-09T18:02:00.002+08:00

As much as I find the band name very bo liao,

As much as I don't understand wth they always sing in their songs (even in supposed English xD),

As much as I find their lead singer VERY GAYISH,

[ok the whole picture is dat I've nv really liked this band at all -.-]

I think this could be their best song to date. Really.

F.Y.I, dis video doesn't change mi opinion dat he's still gayish, somemore at d end of d video got CLOSEUP. HAHAX...But shockingly, still 'adored by many German teenage girls'. -.- Are they out of their minds?! XD

Nevertheless to me, best song to date from them. Love the piano on the song a lot. ;)

Tells a good story too, about breaking down your own wall, be it your own comfort zone, or something you have not opened yourself up to. Yet. Why? Because once you do so, you might just find things that are better on the other side. It may be things that people tell you and you may not believe, so why just stop there? Go on and SEE IT FOR YOURSELF. Make yourself believe. ;)

Which brings me, to dedicate dis song 2 someone....hope you can break down yours soon. ;)

It's raining today

The blinds are shut it's always the same

I, tried all the games that they play

But they made me insane

Life on TV

It's random it means nothing to me

I'm writing down what I cannot see

Wanna wake up in a, dream

(whoa, whoa) They're telling me it's beautiful

I believe them but will I ever know

The world behind my, wall

(whoa, whoa) The sun will shine like never before

One day I will be ready to go

See the world behind my, wall

Trains in the sky

Are travelling through fragments of time

They're taking me to parts of my mind

That no one can find

I'm ready to fall, I'm ready to crawl, on my knees to know it all

I'm ready to heal

I'm ready to feel...

2010-01-08T09:15:00.003+08:00

:D Sticking to something when you've made your decision. :D

and put everything you've got in it. ;)

Father: "Don't ever tell me there's something you can't do."

Son: "I can't thank him enough."

2010-01-08T09:09:00.002+08:00

"I don't remember who won the race, but I'll never forget how I felt. ;)"

2010-01-08T09:01:00.001+08:00

I knew you had it in you ;)

Believe in yourself, that everything will be alright. Then everything will be. :D

2010-01-07T22:30:00.002+08:00

"You may have made my life suck, but you also made my life worth it. Besides, my life would suck without you. :)"

"I'm only worried if you're upset, but I also don't want you to mask your emotions and feelings from me just so it doesn't make me worry."

"I don't wanna be like those other people you know."

"Yes, if you didn't exist, I wouldn't have ended up where I am---I wouldn't have put so much effort into something I really wanted, I wouldn't have put so much trust into something, and I wouldn't have believed in myself, at all. So thank you, for making me who I am now. And I don't wanna just end there."

"Look, you don't want me to worry 1, right? So you didn't make me worry. I want myself to worry. In a way, something to live for. :) That at least I worry about something/someone in this world, which I can't control, and I want to worry about. Really really want to. :)"

A: "Promise me one thing, since you don't wanna worry anyone in your family, whenever you want someone to listen to you, or you're getting emotional, let me be the one to know, please?"

B: "Well, if you'd want me to"

A: "I'd loved to :)"

"Your point of view may not matter to you, but it means everything to me."

"If it's me, no matter how tired I am, I'll still make that call, because I want you to know my everything. :)"

Good luck! Jia yous :D :D :D

2010-01-07T09:16:00.002+08:00

Another day goes by and

Nothing's changed she's still the same

I can hear her crying, thinking she's the one to blame

Will this ever end?

Will this house be a home again?

If I had my way,

I'd corner him and say

Put yourself in her position

All she needs is recognition

Love's not enough when you say it don't you know,

You gotta mean it

Screwing up the best thing ever

Something you'll regret forever

Take her and make sure she feels it let her know,

You'll never let her go

2010-01-07T08:35:00.001+08:00

Regret not picking up that call dis morning. Really regret.

2010-01-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

I have 2 prevent myself from smsing ppl and not seeing ppl online till Sunday or even Monday, practically shutting myself from their world these few days. :S

This is going to be a REALLY REALLY LONG 4-5 days. :(

Just hope you ppl're ok...

2010-01-06T18:58:00.003+08:00

Once she ask den everything will be fine luh~

Amazing, just amazing, that there actually is someone out there who would think of how their parents would feel 1st b4 dey do anyting, trying not 2 add on 2 her burden, her weariness.

Shouldn't parents do the same 2 their kids too?

2010-01-06T16:18:00.003+08:00

And now

As long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands

Coz forever I believe, that there's nothing I could need, but you

So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know

You're never gonna be alone, from this moment on

If you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on

We're gonna take the world on, I'll hold you till the hurt is gone.

2010-01-06T15:45:00.002+08:00

Don't, think about you at night, I'm

Happy to be alone, it's ok

But that was yesterday and now I'm

Driving in my car

Words don't get me far

When they don't mean...ohh

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm

standing here right outside your door

Coz I don't think that my heart can take much more

I'm scared of cracking up again, I just

Want it to be like it was before

Coz I don't think that my heart can take much more.

I, don't, give a damn what you do

I'm, going to get with you, again

And that's the way this night is gonna end

You, say that you need some time

How, long does it take to see, that we

are more than meant to be?

If only the band realised this b4 they disbanded -.-

2010-01-05T21:39:00.001+08:00

You're not making me do things, I WANNA DO IT.

Wad u say at d vice principal part really made mi day. :)

2010-01-05T20:57:00.002+08:00

It's because u screw up and i screw up, dat's wad makes it perfect.

2010-01-05T15:51:00.003+08:00

Just a smile, can warm a heart :D

When someone loves things you hate about yourself...

When you don't need to think about having 2 think of her...

When her smiles makes you feel like you're on d top of d world...

When despite not having gone out on a date, she sees the way your eyes change when you look at her...

When u do something despite all principle juz coz u're so disgustingly happy dat you've forgotten any1 else is around u...

When only a few minutes with her can make u happy for d rest of d day...

When no matter wad her emotions are, you still think she's just as pretty as she is...

When you find ways to talk to her before goin to slp at night coz it ain't d same if you don't hav a convo wiv her, even if it lasts for merely minutes...

When you can't sleep at night coz you miss her just too much...

When you're hoping she's okay on her own out there...

When you can't stay happy, knowing dat she's down...

When you see her at her worst and still calls you beautiful...

When she lets you know everything that's wrong so dat you two can talk it out...

When you make promises 2 her and keep them...

When she's nothing you planned but everything you want...

When she gets so upset that she can't make your problem go away...

When you think about her when you see something beautiful and always want to share that moment with her...

When it knocks you off balance to be without her and you gotta feeling in your stomach that something ain't right...

When you constantly text her coz you won't give up on a relationship you both don't wanna end...

When you constantly fight for her just to prove that she's beautiful coz she don't see it in herself...

"When he wants to prove his friends and family wrong about a relationship..."

"When I don't have texts from you when I wake up in the morning so I sit here all day and wait for you..."

"When you parents force you not 2 b tgt with him, but you fight for it..."

"When he gladly travels for 40minutes both ways to see you for an hour in a place where he can't even touch you..."

btw, i'm referencing from some website, in case ppl r wondering XD

2010-01-05T09:21:00.003+08:00

"People will forget what you do and what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel."~quote from Dan the Man ;)

Btw 2 Shereen n Shermaine, Daniel Ong calls himself dan THE MAN, not ALVIN TEO. XD

I'm getting really, really bored in d mornings. :(

Let's make this a night the two of us remember

Not teachers around, to see us dancin' close

I'll tellin' you our parents will never know

Before the lights go up and the music turns off.

2010-01-04T21:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, wad's most important is doing something you feel you want to, which of course, dun break d law can luh lar. :)

Really, I might think so it's scary dat u do dat? Then really, I might not. :) I might juz like it instead. :D

Sometimes, there isn't a need for a reason for doing something.

You juz do it because...

you want to. (:

And oh, we'll dance around it all night

And then I'll, follow you outside

Try to open up my, mouth and nothing comes out right and I

Wanna fall in love with you, again

I don't have to try

It's so easy who needs to, pretend?

But because,

it's so funny, let's just think

about it honey, let's just

fall in love again

2010-01-04T19:52:00.002+08:00

you know, at the start, I really thought this was d OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO of d song by Owl City leh. Wad a joke -.- HAHAHAHAX!!!

2010-01-03T17:34:00.002+08:00

Even an emoticon can speak a thousand words for itself~~~

2010-01-03T17:20:00.002+08:00

When you feel confused, happy, angry, jealous, lost, found, needy, perfect, and suicidal all at the same time...

When you feel lyk hating someone but still can't get her off your mind...

When you close your eyes and think of her...

When you know she means it...

When you are willing to wait for as long as it takes for her 2 realise that you're everything to her...

(comment: seriously, it's easier said than done -.-)

Boy gets mad at girl. Girl is sad. Boy ignores girl. Girl is still sad. But when boy still forgives girl because the memories they had together is just too worthwhile and not worth ruining their relationship...

2010-01-03T17:07:00.002+08:00

Everytime you do not reply, esp fr long periods of time, I will juz stare at d convo/phone, really really stare n do nothing else.

I don't wanna b upset/angry juz coz I feel lyk I'm waiting for no reason. Ever.

Not juz dat, but for everything else.

2010-01-03T14:14:00.001+08:00

Even without my current plight, I would still use all I have on you 1st, before I use it on any1 else.

Don't ask me y I posted d same thing again. I did it on purpose.

2010-01-03T08:58:00.002+08:00

Even without my current plight, I would still use all I have on you 1st, before I use it on any1 else.

2010-01-02T22:08:00.004+08:00

Little things 'people' say can break or (most of d time) make mi day. :D :D :D Feels really good inside 2 hear certain things. :)

Trust, trust, trust.

1458days :D

2010-01-01T17:17:00.003+08:00

How much of you is in me? And how much of me is in you? Confused fella~

What am I gonna do, when the best part of me, was always you and

What am I supposed to say, when I'm all choked up, and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yea.

I'm falling to pieces.

2010-01-01T16:18:00.001+08:00

I'm staring at your name, thinking whether 2 click it or not. :(

2010-01-01T12:32:00.004+08:00

Some things may sound cheesy, but I noe I dun mind hearing it. :)

In the midst of waiting, I don't wanna forget you.

Think bout dat one thing I hoped 2 have~~~

Now u may understand why i wanted it ba, rite?

2009-12-31T22:23:00.001+08:00

Suddenly, a gush of 'arghhhh' overwhelms me...I still ain't comfortable wiv dat~~~

2009-12-31T20:58:00.002+08:00

hahax i'm so bored now, i actually went 2 look at these. xD

Long tiring, yet great day 2day though :D :D :D

When your crush comes to you with problems about the guy she likes, and you help her out even if it kills your chances, merely to put a smile back on her face...

When you don't have to be with her every second of the day, but you want 2...

When every face she makes, be it ridiculous, pretty, or juz plain silly, fills a certain space in your heart...

When you hear your phone has a text message and you run to it hoping and praying it's her...

When she looks back right after walking away from you...

When it's us against the world...

When he thought it was best they split coz they're too different, she respected it and let him go, even if he hurts. And after months, they realised that they were meant so much to each other, and it juz hurts too badly, they decided 2 make it work. They decided to live on love, and that's all that matters. Nothing else should interfere. And they're back together...that's love.

And now for my own, her tolerance for mi boringness :)

2009-12-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

We alw hav long, slow goodbyes, coz we can't bear 2 say it? :D

Or mebbe we're juz so so random~ xD

2009-12-29T18:28:00.001+08:00

2 b honest, now I don't even care if you're gonna pin all those on me, I just wanna help to forget, put the past behind.

2009-12-29T13:45:00.002+08:00

Testing five days, which made mi realise one thing actually. One main thing, rather.

Since I'm one who isn't really good with words, it further helps when the long travelling journey brings me 2 songs dat can express wad I'm feeling best. :D

"But I figured out with all that's said and done...two, is better than one."

Coz when I close my eyes and drift, away

I think of you and everything's ok, I'm finally now, believing

Maybe it's true

That I can't live without, you

Maybe two

Is better than, one

But there's so much time

To figure out, the rest of my life

And you've already got me coming undone

And I'm thinking two, is better than one

2009-12-29T13:35:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna go, another day

So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind

See the, way we ride in our, private lives ain't no, body getting in between

I want you to know that you're the only,

One, for me (one for me)

And I say

Nobody gonna love me better

I must stickwitu forever

Nobody gonna take me higher

I must stickwitu

You know how to appreciate me

I must stickwitu my baby

Nobody ever made me feel this way

I must stickwitu

And now, ain't nothing else I could need

And now, I'm singing coz you're so so into me

I got you

We'll be making love endlessly

I'm with, you (baby I'm with you)

Baby you're with, me (baby you're with me)

So don't you worry about, people hanging around

They ain't bringing us down

I know you and you know me and that's all that counts.

2009-12-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

You are my coffee. :D

2009-12-28T22:15:00.002+08:00

When you realise dat u're shut out from each other's world for 5 days, no form of communication at all between u 2, and all dat u hav is a memory of d person, u realised it's not dat crazy of kua1 zhang1 after all. ;)

2009-12-23T21:53:00.003+08:00

I wanted 2 go, coz one of my wish...is to see someone I wanna see on d 2 days of Christmas. :)

But I can't~ Dat's y it's dat disappointing. :(

Well, I'll be away to Ipoh till Monday. No idea what internet there is there. So we'll see how, my readers.

Think of me

Think of me fondly when, we've said goodbye

Remember me

Once in a while, please promise me you'll try

When you find, that once again you long

To take your heart back and be free

If you ever find, a moment

Spare a thought for me

2009-12-23T20:56:00.002+08:00

If you'd have to wake up at 3am or something to go away, I would b there. :)

2009-12-22T21:24:00.002+08:00

I didn't have any form of communication 2 u on my way back, dat I even exhaled in2 d charger area, hoping dat bit of heat can revive a little of my hp battery.

Dat was the extent I'm willing 2 go 2 get a reply.

2009-12-22T19:37:00.003+08:00

Rather than saying u're gonna exceed soon, mebbe u shld tink of ways 2 curb yr sms-ing.

Say, sms ppl u reli wanna sms? And reply when u need 2 only?

If your answer 2 dat was everything, den I can't help u.

If you cannot choose, den I also can't help u.

Something small which u can help yourself without my help.

But you need the will before you can have the way.

2009-12-22T12:09:00.001+08:00

I do have 1 gift, but I don't think the others can giv it 2 mi.

And it's not expensive either ;)

2009-12-21T22:07:00.001+08:00

I seriously think I've lost a side of me already.

And I think today, I learnt that I hate the word 'orh' :S

2009-12-21T19:17:00.003+08:00

I've told you things that I'll never tell anyone at all, not even an extremely good friend, nor a crush.

Go see means haven done so. Ok.

2009-12-20T22:08:00.001+08:00

WHEN YOU FIND YOU, COME BACK TO ME. ~Come Back To Me by David Cook

I feel those ways (upset, worried, lose control....) b'coz I hate myself for making you feel bad.

2009-12-20T20:35:00.003+08:00

Whether he still meant anything, I don't know. I don't wanna know.

Thing is, he's doing it, and I'm not happy at dat.

How u wan 2 settle this, it's up 2 u.

Doing things for more than just oneself~ Anonymous

2009-12-20T09:16:00.002+08:00

It's all in the mentality. It's all in the head. As long as u can get over yourself, dat's more than good enuf fr mi. :)

Love you just the way you are :D,

Aloovi the Alv

You know you need someone, when the need's so strong

When they're gone, you don't know how to go on

So the whole, world is stuck, in a moment

Standing still, until they come back

2009-12-19T21:33:00.003+08:00

I don't know how much I actually hurt u today. I'm sorry.

I just wanted u 2 noe, just wanted u 2 b safe, dat's all.

A normal reaction to feel dat way~

You're not dumb, it's just...things happen. You've never had someone do this 2 u, rite? And u're not d person looking at wad's happening, rite? So u had no idea wad was going on around you. At least, now u noe.

If I ever hurt you, it's not my intention. I'm sorry.

2009-12-18T23:12:00.001+08:00

Dat may have been THE MOST against-my-conscience thing I've done in my entire life,

but at least I've gotten an answer.

2009-12-18T22:27:00.001+08:00

There really is a lot 2 learn about me still.

I'm really really hard 2 understand, I think.

2009-12-18T20:14:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since I ever wrote in my diary, coz I have been telling the whole world about everything in my life. Well, it's time to take it out and pen down. I'm not gonna say much here, b'coz I know people are watching. I don't want people to see any of this.

All I can say is, it's a normal reaction to feel that way.

Back like you never broke

You tell a dirty joke

He touches your leg, and thinks he's getting close

For now you let him, just this once

Just for now

Just like that, it's over

Don't turn away

Dry your eyes, dry your eyes

Don't be afraid

But keep it all inside, all inside

When you fall apart

Dry your eyes, dry your eyes

Life is always hard

For the Belle, of the Boulevard.

2009-12-17T17:16:00.011+08:00

As much as I may "please" my way in2 getting an answer, if people do not want 2 reply, den it's up 2 them. At times, I rather people don't answer me than to answer for d sake of it.

I'm really happy that u're so optimistic. But I'm sorry, dat's me. I hate myself 2 force people 2 do anyting against their will, even if they were doing it for me. Thing is, I don't want things 2 juz benefit me~

I don't see any winners, only 2 ppl who both lost.

2 words...can make so much difference, cause so much, n take d whole day by the neck...

I "kayz" when I'm happy, and "k" when I'm not. I don't have a middle, I'm 2 extremes. Either very happy, or very upset.

It is not a flaw of yours. It's just...something I hope you can understand about me. Sorry. :(

I was thinking about tomorrow, now I can't even get through today.

I don't wanna go back

To just being one half, of the equation

Do you understand what I'm saying?

2009-12-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

I seriously don't know what I'm doing tonight.

I think i just slashed 2 in one night. What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!

2009-12-15T22:33:00.001+08:00

another day, another day.

2009-12-13T22:55:00.003+08:00

Wad's done is done. You didn't mean or even imagined it'll affect dat way and 2 dat extent, so dun kip blaming yrself. It's not making you or others feel better dat u keep blaming yourself for not doing this, doing that in the 1st place. Regret yes, but don't think of punishment as if exacting revenge back on you is what others want.

Regret, instead, 2 internalise, and move on.

--- inspired by _________ :D and myself. ;)

2009-12-12T22:12:00.003+08:00

By affecting my mood a lot, I meant anyting I don't understand wad'cha say, I look back. Anything I'm unhappy with, I'll look back at wad we both said in d convo.

And think about it always.

1. Don't wanna talk 2 u, b'coz I scared I can't control myself when I do. Sorry.

2. I'll remember u saying dat. How you wanna handle it, is up 2 u.

3. YOU'RE NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. You yourself said it's you who nv feel lyk u are, so face it, the battle's not with anyone else. It's with yourself.

4. You affecting my mood, I dun tink it's scary at all. Why should it be?

5. If it was reli suppose 2 b, you shld alr b thinkin bout wad I meant by you-know-wad. If by d tym u see this then u realise, then...I seriously duno how to put it. Probably, you know better.

6. There are still other stuff I still can't get over, which I don't wanna say it here.

It's gonna take some time to get it right.

I hope u understand.

At least, from 2nite, u knew where I was getting at about dat incident dat's been playing in my mind.

Thanks.

(I think you know who u are alr. Anything u wanna reply, do it on msn)

Remind you that, you're beautiful

I know my detail requires more attention

If I ever hurt you, it's not, my intention

Coz we're gonna make (gonna make), our mistakes (our mistakes)

Find out how much your heart can take but

I know that, you got my back

And baby I got, yours